9.16.09 About Kids and Violence- Parents, Please Chime In?
I tend to write about what’s on my mind, and with the past day’s news, the thought of kids has been on my mind a LOT. When I was younger (and much more selfish and self-centered), I always thought I didn’t want kids, at ALL. None. I was going to travel the world, and enjoy life. It was too much of a risk and too much of a challenge to be responsible for raising another little person who would depend on me for EVERYTHING for at least 15 years. And then, after that, the effect of my “teaching” would last that little person the rest of their lives. Whoa. It was HUGE. Too much responsibility for me to fathom.
As I’ve gotten a little older, my mind changed, as I suspect it does for most people, although the idea of raising children correctly has gotten no less scary. I once asked my mom how she did it (barely being an adult when she had me at 20), and she said something so WISE (as she usually does). She said “You grow up at the same time your kids are growing up. Everyone grows at the same time”.
Yesterday, there was a fight, and subsequent stabbing and murder of a 17 year old boy by another 17 year old male student at Coral Gables Senior High School down here in South Florida. It started out as a “normal” fist fight between the boys in between classes (according to news reports), however, it quickly escalated, and in front of the student body, one student pulled out a switchblade and stabbed the other in the chest, killing him. The boy who was killed was a recent Cuban immigrant, and had arrived in this country only 5 months ago. His mother is still in Cuba, and his father is in Spain. He was under the care and supervision of a 20 year old cousin here in the United States. Can you imagine what his parents will feel when they learn that their son has been murdered?? Its incomprehensible to me.
The even scarier thing is that here in Florida, a law was passed a few years ago, that if someone is killed in the act of self defense, they cannot be prosecuted for any kind of homicide. I suspect that the legal arguments will revolve around which boy was “defending” themselves, and eye witness accounts of who started the fight. This is just my armchair legal opinion, as I’m certainly no criminal defense lawyer, but law does interest me so if I were a lawyer, the first thing I would try to establish was who started the fight, and who was defending themselves.
Legal technicalities notwithstanding, I can’t imagine the pain these families are going through. Both families… the family of the boy who did the stabbing I am sure is no less devastated, and my prayers go out to all of them.
I guess my point, in the end, is with the rise in teenage violence, there are so many things that can’t be controlled at home. Even if you do everything right, there’s a chance that something like this could one day happen…
Can any parents comment on how you deal with this? Please share some wisdom with those of us who don’t have kids, but one day might….
I’ve heard it said that when you have kids…your heart travels around outside of your body… Every decision they make, every environment they are in, and every failure they face affect them but maybe more profoundly affect the parent. I can’t imagine the grief these parents will feel when they discover that their child is dead. There are not enough words of love and kindness to fill the hole left behind… It is my prayer that Christ would strengthen them and give them the peace they need to process this event and persevere through the loneliness and heartbreak.
What I do know is that these parents have 17 years of precious memories…. birthday parties, smiles, favorite songs, learning to walk, first day of high school. As they start to heal, they will cherish these memories..this legacy…of their son. Of course they wish they could have just one more day with him… but it is the enjoyment of the time they did have together that will get them through.
When you have children, you do your best to raise them right. You pour your very soul into their upbringing…equip them…tell them about Jesus… guide them…correct them… and love them unconditionally. You just don’t know how long they will have on this planet. It is everyone’s plan for their children to outlive them…but only God holds that card.
Fear of what may happen should never rob you of the joys of parenthood. If God blesses you with the opportunity to be a parent…and it is a desire of your heart….grasp it. And as you sit there with that baby in your arms, don’t let the enemy whisper in your ear all of the things that could potentially happen. Instead, trust that God knows what He’s doing and will be there for your child every step of the way. Yes, tragedies like this happen…and they are terrible…and they are the result of sinful choices from those that we can’t control… But if this young man’s parents had those fears…and didn’t give birth to their son… they would have missed out on the time that God did allow them to spend together before calling him back home.
This incident reminds me that every second with the ones I love is a gift…and we must live boldly…trusting that God’s plan will always work out for the good of those who love Him. I don’t always have to understand why…I must simply stay obedient…and trust.
timely post. looking forward to the parents’ responses on how to deal with this. thanks for sharing.
I dont know what will happen to my boys once they turn old enough to walk away from me. But I do know this:
I have 18 yrs to do everything I can so that when they do walk away, they walk away with Christ in their hearts. Its a scary place out there, but if they have Christ, my boys will prevail….even if they’re taken home early. As a Christian parent, I dont so much worry about WHEN my boys will go, but WHERE. And I”m on my knees that it’ll be heaven.
I am not sure how much advice I can offer on how to deal with this but violence amongst teens and the pre-teen community are certainly on the rise. Our kids today need to understand that sometimes courage comes from walking away from a bad situation that really is neither worth the time, hassle or aggravation. Most of the children get their attitudes from parents, television, radio and video games. When children see their parents react to situations violently they are learning the lesson that it is ok to use anger and violence as a means to an end. Unfortunately the good messages don’t come across clearly and the bad messages come across way too clear.
I will use the old bar example….You walk into a bar and getting to your destination you bump into a guy and he spills some of his beer. The guy you bump into turns around with an obviously perturbed look. You have two options….You can either give him the same confrontational look or you can say sorry then offer to buy him a beer. If you treat unkindness with unkindness it can only go south really fast.
Getting children involved in healthy activities early that build their positive attitudes is a great way to help them be the best they can be. Also teach kids to recognize other kids for doing the right thing. What if more kids went up to others and said, “Hey John, that was really cool what you did when you walked away and didn’t stoop to that other persons level…I respect and admire that.” Think how much better a person would feel about their decision to do the right thing if other kids recognized it. Unfortunately the message from other kids is…John you were a punk for walking away, you should have made him pay for that comment he made. The instigators sit on the sidelines out of harms ways and aggravate unnecessary conflicts